Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
everyone is single if you try hard enough
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She even gives head with a lisp.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
