How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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