remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
