I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
