so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
