Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
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you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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