Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
