Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
