The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
