he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
