the new term for farting is butt boxing.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
