I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.