i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.