I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i need an iv and a liver transplant
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls