yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
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I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
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So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.