I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
