I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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