I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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