So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
