my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
