I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
