Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
