Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just invented taco cereal.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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