Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
