I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
