Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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