is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Small penises have feelings too.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
