My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
