Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
