If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
