Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
