yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
