Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
