he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
