my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
