She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i may or may not be watching the land before time
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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