Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
