he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
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Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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