Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
