some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
