when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
