Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
