I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
