WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
