Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
