I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
