thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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