I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize