he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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