you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
