if you like me you must not know who I am
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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