Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
