No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I wish I only lived at night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
