you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
