I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
