Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize