My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
