Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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