that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
