I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
