This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
