I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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