If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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