just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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