I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
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Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
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Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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