He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she told me i tasted like america
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's blow job season.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
