This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She bit a glass in half.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
