There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
