Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
