dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
