he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
