Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Randomize
