You're my little dorito
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
