i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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